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Marital Mistakes Leading to Divorce in Washington, DC

Many people often wonder what went wrong with their marriage.  They wonder why things got as bad as they did, and why they are getting divorced.  These are normal questions.  A recent news article from the Huffington Post takes a look at some of the biggest mistakes couples made leading to divorce.

One common mistake, according to a certified sex therapist, was putting sex on the back burner.  The problem is fairly simple.  Avoiding or giving up on sex starts couples on a path often leading to divorce. Basically, it is often easier to give up on a sexless marriage.  This therapist recommends if there is a chance at salvaging your sex life, it is often worth trying, because this can also save a troubled marriage. No matter how well the couple can manage all other aspects of their marriage from paying bills and raising children, it will not stop at least one spouse from feeling like a roommate rather than a husband or wife if there is not sex in the marriage. 

Another common mistake, this one according to a divorce attorney, is having unrealistic expectations for your marriage.  The crux of this behavior is failing to accept your spouse, yourself, or your marriage as things truly are.  Spouses must realize that things will not always be great.  If you can deal with the bad, and get through things, that may be a sign of a good marriage.  If you assume things should could be better and it’s your spouse’s fault, you may be viewing things in an unrealistic light and this can lead to divorce.

The next common mistake was expecting your spouse to fix all of your problems.  You may have baggage going into the marriage, and your spouse may be of some help in working on some of these issues, but it is not realistic or healthy to depend on your spouse to fix everything. 

Getting too comfortable with your marriage can also lead to a divorce.  Taking things for granted often turns into laziness, and laziness turns into resentment.  Not helping around the house anymore, or cooking dinner, or even asking your spouse how his or her day went can lead to problems. 

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Does Living together before Marriage Lead to Divorce?

Many people assume that if a couple moves-in together prior to getting married the marriage has a better chance of surviving.  While this assumption makes sense for a variety of reasons, a recent article in the New York Post suggests the opposite may be true.

According to researchers featured in the article, a survey of couples who had been married for less than ten 10 years revealed those who had lived together prior to getting married were less happy with their current situation.  The reasoning behind this seemingly bizarre results is that when spouses had moved in with the boyfriend or girlfriend, the couple was already committed to being in that relationship.  This leads to marriages that may not have happened had the couples been living apart prior to setting a date for the wedding.

One the other hand, couples who were not living together made more of a conscious decision to get married and were not merely accepting their current relationship according to researchers.  These couples were found have to a stronger level of commitment to their spouse.  This was seen as them deciding to get married rather than “sliding” into a marriage. 

Scientists believe there is a chemical process in the brain affecting how we handle relationships.  When a person meets someone he or she finds attractive, his or her brain begins to release chemicals that can actually cloud one’s judgment. When feeling like this, a person may start to do things that locks him or her into a relationship.  These things can be as simple as getting a family cellphone plan, and eventually co-signing a car loan.  Perhaps the couple gets a pet together. 

The problem is that these chemicals associated with the new and exciting relationship will not last forever.  You may realize you don’t really want to spend the rest of your life with this person once the dopamine effects wear off.  You may have moved in together to save on rent because you were basically living together anyway, but now you have become even more committed to being a couple than an individual person.  Perhaps this is what John Mellencamp meant when he said “life goes on long after the thrill of livin’ is gone.”

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